Uncertainty for Certain

There were many thoughts floating around my head last night.  Should I be happy that my time at my workplace will wind down in a few months?  I should be since it’s a large source of stress.  But what about finances?  How long can I hold out?  What can I cut back?  What jobs should I go for?  A voice gleefully shouts “Boy Matt, you got a lot of worries ahead.”

But one called out a bit louder last night and urged me to go for a walk.  I looked out the window. A fine mist was coming down.  I needed some fresh air anyways so I bundled up and went out.  The fine rain became tiny ice pellets but it melted quickly when it landed on my eyes and face.

I passed the homeless guy who sits in the streetcar shelter.  He’s a regular there.  Sometimes I see the cops talking to him but it’s all friendly chit chat – mostly checking to see how he is doing.  At the community centre, I see a couple of worn out sleeping bags piled by the door.  The mattress is a large piece of cardboard.  The other mattress is a wooden skid.  At the McDonald’s, I see a guy sitting inside with a large soft drink cup.  His face looks defeated.  There’s another guy counting the change in his hand before going in.  I round the corner and at the cheap coffee place, there’s another person who glares back at me when I look in.  I only see the small coffee cup on the table.

The fine mist has returned and chased away the tiny ice pellets.  I head back to my place.  Everything was quiet.  All is good.





24 thoughts on “Uncertainty for Certain

  1. I knew the minute you decided to go out for a walk, that you would return refreshed and have peace in your heart. Don’t let fear cripple your ambitions and ideals Matt. Just keep charging ahead, through the mist and ice pellets, the roads will open up and greet you. All the best to you.

  2. This is beautifully written Matt. I really enjoyed hearing about what the homeless people had with them, as well as the other people in the cafes and restaurants and their facial expressions. Your walk and the misty scene came to life.

  3. What a beautiful write, Matt! It brought tears to my eyes. Yes, often a walk to think and meditate…and a look at others and their reality…helps us put our own worries into perspective. There will always be “storms” and challenges, but keep moving forward, Matt. Things will get better! I wish you all the best!
    I used to be The Queen of Worry…but, the realized it never did me any good, and often hurt me…so I threw the crown away and prefer being The Princess of Peace and Pleasure! 😉
    HUGS!!! 🙂

  4. Whoa, I totally see a growth in your writing! Love the tone of this piece, how it shifts from uncertainty to “its all good” based on your reflections and observations from your walk. I like the details like the people you come across and the mist. Great work!

  5. it is natural to worry. we all do so. some more than others. to worry means you’re thinking. thinking means you’re on the preparation stage. i do it all the time. so much so that many a times my head still keeps running its engine when it’s bed time. that’s why i can’t fall asleep so easily. but we must learn to ‘let go’. sometimes, it helps to just giving in to the situation and trust that the next day would be a better day, regardless the circumstance. i know that sounds like a defeat, but it is not. it just means that we allow ourselves to worry less. and when that happens, it allows our mind to work wonders afterward as we feel better and more relaxed.

      • i didn’t know anything about melatonin. never researched on it. never taken one, either. so just now i googled it. read it. and understand that it is a safe supplement for insomniac condition. as long as it doesn’t give you a bad side effect and you are not overdosed, it should be fine. i just don’t like the fact that for those who taking it may feel morning grogginess. i hate that feeling. a reason why i dislike taking nyquil pills. they always leave me feeling semi-zombie state the next morning for the whole day.

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