Winter Blahs…

I don’t like this time of the year.  It’s dark when I wake up and it’s dark before I even finish work.  Lately it’s been overcast and cloudy.  The gloomy days intensifies the feeling of doom. Work continues to stress me out.  A couple of weeks ago, I was up at night watching the clock slowly moving after 2 AM.  I took a pill to help me sleep.  It’s the first time I’ve done this in a weekday.  But I knew I would have probably stayed up till 4.  I did the same thing the next night.

There aren’t a lot of other decent opportunities internally.  What I’ve heard, is that my job is being phased out.  It’s already happened in other divisions.  We’re not even sure what, if any, severance pay we may be getting.  It would be nice to have a bit more of a cushion as job hunting isn’t the greatest right now.

Yesterday, I was asked to help out with another project. I found out the team meets every morning (conference call) at 5 AM.  They picked this time so people could get on the call for an hour and then go to work or drive their kids to school.  They also wanted to make sure those people who work directly with the customers can continue to do so uninterrupted.  But sanity prevailed and they switched back to a better time (8AM) just I joined the team.

There’s goodness in all of this.  I’m convinced of it.  It’s the only thing that’s keeping my hopes up.





15 thoughts on “Winter Blahs…

  1. Gosh, Matt, that sounds awful. I’m sorry you have to live like this. But, I don’t think you have to live like this. Say if you lost your job, you will still be OK – better options will be there. I’m getting a bit worried about you because it sounds like a gloomy place to be.

    • I am counting on the severance. My sis still doesn’t have a job and I lent her some money to go back to school. I did a rough check of my finances and I think I should be ok for a few months.

      One good news, I did sign up for the writing course next year. It starts in Feb.

      • Wow you’re a great family member, Matt. Please remember that you have to do stuff, like what you did for your sis, for yourself, too. Otherwise, what’s the point, you know?

  2. The winter in Canada can get quite depressing. I know I’ve said it before but you really need to find work that is less stressful. Perhaps it would be better to look externally as I think a fresh start might be good. How is the job market in general? Also re the winter weather, have you ever been checked out for seasonal affective disorder? My friend has it and she gets really depressed in the winter. Not saying you do have it as I suspect most of your stress is from work but worth checking out if you think you might be affected.

    • The job market here is bad. There are positions for temp and contract work. Some of my colleagues who have gone to work at the IT dept of banks are gone. Those that have specialized skills or are on contracts are still ok though the rates aren’t the greatest. I know I struggle with taking risks. It’s being a prisoner in my own mind because the fear of change outweighs everything. I think it’s partly watching my parents who came over and struggled financially. I won’t have kids to look after me when I’m old. I’m sure it’s an irrational fear.

      As for SAD, I’ve read up on it and I sort of fit the symptoms. The lights are pricey but I’ll see if I can snag one of them when they go on sale.

      • I know what you mean about the not having kids part. It does worry me sometimes and I squirrel away all my money for retirement. Although I guess I live a good enough lifestyle to still enjoy my life.

        Without knowing what you do, I just checked the U of T website and saw a few IT positions. Why don’t you have a go if they suit your experience? As I mentioned in the past, working for a university is pretty stress free with a good work life balance, decent salary and good benefits! I do hope you will find relief soon. *hugs*

      • Thanks Sheldon. I always appreciate your help – even way back when I was looking for advice on buying my first MacBook. While I work in IT, it’s more in a mgm’t role and lately more in a internal advisory / consulting role.

        btw – I did sign up for a writing course. I hope it’ll be fun and am looking forward to it.

  3. that sounds really terrible and stressful 😦 If you want, you can look at Brookfield – I work there and their HQ is in Toronto. Whenever you’re ready and if you’re interested, I would be more than happy to refer you if you see any positions there you’re interested in. Hang in there

  4. There is this “light therapy” for winter depression. It might work.

    Yes, work sounds challenging. I think it’s challenging everywhere. Maybe you take this as an opportunity to look for something else?

  5. Aw. 😦 This all sounds so stressful and tough, Matt. 😦
    And this time of year is hard emotionally, and in other ways, for so many people.
    Hang on to the goodness and keep your hopes up. Often change ends up being for the better.
    You have my best wishes, prayers and good lucks!

  6. Mattie, if you are concerned about losing your position with the company, please start looking at other places while you are still working here. Hopefully you will land a position quickly, and then you can let go of this stressful job with your head held high, and feel proud that you didn’t have to go jobless. Period. Will be saying some heavy duty prayers for you.

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