Strange dreams, not haunting but just strange and surreal.
In one dream, I’m trying to follow someone down into an large underground world. It’s huge, well lit and filled with remnants of collapsed buildings. There are beams, slabs of concrete, metal rebars etc… And then there are these wonderful aquariums with amazing fishes. The water was tropical blue / green and it was incredibly well lit. The aquariums were custom fitted between all these large debris. I wanted to stop and admire them but I had to keep going. Then behind me, things started to collapse and my way back is block. I had to keep running to avoid getting pinned. Then I found myself sucking on something tubular and penis like. WTF? Am I having sex? It was humanoid I guess… I’m not really sure. Maybe I’m not that fussy in my dream world.
There was another bizzare one too. But I just forgot what that one was about.
In other news, I went in for a bunch of tests today. I found out I gained weight over the holidays. But the nurses were wonderful and have a great sense of humour. In between some serious questions was a lot of laughter. I think I use humuor a lot to relieve stress.
Tonight, I will try to laugh more and suck less.
Yesterday I decided to read more about the surgical procedure I’m going to undergo next week. I’ve already read a lot so I wasn’t expecting to find anything new. Then I saw a few new things. After the surgery, I have to keep my leg still for at least 4 hours so there won’t be any bleeding. I would have to use a bed pan and urinal if I had to go. Hmm…. $#%#@%^$%&#&
Then I read a few new things. Some people complained about constant and chest pain after the surgery and feeling very tired. This would go on for months. I felt a new sense of dread. I went through the reasons for my surgery and they are still sound. I closed my laptop and decided that I’ve read enough. I go in for tests this Thursday. I was told this would take the whole day.
Maybe all of this is just nervousness. The closer it gets, the more I think about it and all the bad things that could happen instead of focusing on the positive.
But I felt better after going to the gym last night for a brief workout. It wasn’t anything intense. But I just wanted to be more active since I just sit all day. On Friday, I woke up early and walked in the park before starting work. I even squeezed in 5 flights of stairs during a break. So I’ll gradually add more each day until it becomes a habit. Of course I’ve been saying this for sometime.
Life would be easier if…
1. My dirty clothes would just hop into the washing machine, dryer and then fold themselves nicely. I’m not that lazy and can put them into my drawers.
2. There is an endless roll of toilet paper. I thought I had a spare roll in the washroom but I didn’t.
3. Dishes, pots and pans would wash and dry themselves.
4. My blog would just submit entries for me to approve and then post them afterwards. That way you guys don’t have to read this.
5. I could have deep insights into the meaning of life and happiness and act upon it.
6. If I could eat all I want and my body would just burn it off without storing the calories as fat. Hello cheese cake!
7. My brain could remember names, events, errands, to dos, birthdays and my family history.
8. I could write better without staring at a blank page for hours.
9. I could remember what all the buttons in my camera are for.
10. The clutter in my condo would just organize themselves.
Part 1 is here.
So I finally cobbled together a few words. I still don’t have an ending figured out yet. I keep rewriting it too much and not committing to anything so tonight I decided to just post what I have.
* * * *
“So Rigby, how did you get your friends to pose nude?” He turned around and had a bit of an awkward smile. I surprised both of us with my boldness.
Rigby chuckled “It’s kinda a long story Chris. I’ll tell you another time. We should get going, we’ve got a busy day.” As he turned around, I detected a slight grin. I didn’t want to press the issue and we headed out for our photography assignment. But my mind was filled with the the nude images from his photographs.
We went to a local farmers market first. I started to take a few pictures and looked for Rigby. He seemed to jump all over the place. He went behind the stalls to shoot pictures from a seller’s perspective. He knelt down to shoot a child’s perspective. It was fascinating to watch him talk to people. I think people just thought he looked so friendly, harmless and disarming. As he knelt down again to take pictures, I notice his underwear showing just a bit.
After the farmer’s market, we stopped for coffee and compared our pictures. We exchanged cameras and scrolled through the pictures we took. I had a mixture of admiration and envy when I looked through his photos. He had more keepers than I did. I glanced at him looking through my pictures. He paused at a few which caught his attention but he didn’t say anything.
I scrolled past his pictures from today and saw other pictures from his memory card. I hesitated a bit but decided to take a peek. It was pictures from a summer gathering. The food looked great. His subjects looked relaxed and happy. They didn’t pose for the camera. The late afternoon light was soft and gorgeous. Then I saw a couple of pictures of Rigby with his friends in the pool. I didn’t think Rigby would trust anyone else with his camera. It was a picture of him and his friends with the arms on each other shoulders. He had a better body than I imagined. He also had a large tattoo on his left side of his chest. It was a large floral pattern of some type, perhaps peonies and had color of greens and reds. I was surprised. Maybe he wasn’t that geeky and nerdy. I wanted to see if there were more pictures of him. I glanced at Rigby to see if he noticed what I was doing. He was already done and was waiting to hand my camera back my camera to me. I wondered how long he had been watching me.
I didn’t get a chance to turn off his camera when I handed it back to him. As he turned the camera off, he could see the last picture I had lingered on. Rather than hide it, I just said “That looked like fun. Your pictures captured the joy of the occasion.” He smiled “Yeah, between work and school, I don’t really get a lot of free time. So I try to make the most of it when I’m with my friends.”
“How come when I take pictures of my friends, they stop what they are doing and pose for the camera?”
He laughed softly “My friends got used to me and my camera. I send them nice candid pictures of them. Eventually they trust that I’m not going to take pictures that make them look goofy or stupid. My pictures are better than their selfies.”
We both chuckled. I liked his sense of humour. We got out our assignments and tried to finish the written part. It was the usual things like which photos did we select as our best and why. The only question that stumped me was to give some tips to our partner that day based on what we observed. I told Rigby I didn’t really have any tips for him. He seemed relaxed and knew what he wanted. Rigby nodded. I asked him what his tips was for me. He paused a bit and then said “I thought your mind wasn’t fully in this. You just seemed distracted. Your photos were ok in terms of exposure but you seemed content to stay on the fringes.
I wanted to tell him that my mind was still on his nude photos. But what he said was true so I told him I did agree with him. I told him it was hard for me to feel comfortable taking pictures of strangers and talking to them. Maybe that’s why I did more touristy shots. Then I asked if we could hang out some time to just shoot pictures.
This is just a short update with some odds and ends. I can’t sleep so I decided to write a bit.
1. After reading Andrew’s last entry, I resumed writing that short story from a few posts back. I can’t believe that was 2 months ago. I thought it was just a few weeks ago. The difficul (aside from the fact that writing a story is just plain difficult) part is the original entry was written without a story outline. I just had an image in my mind and wrote a story about it. I need to write something so I figure I might as well see how that story will turn out.
2. In other news, my doctor’s office called me with some news. I’ll be going in for a medical treatment (a non invasive surgery) in a few weeks. I don’t want to think about it but I am somewhat nervous. I don’t like needles, meds etc… but this treatment is one that I need to have. I read up on it, talked to my doctor(s). And while it’s non invasive, it’s still a surgery. I just hope nothing bad happens.
3. My insomnia is full blown the past few weeks. By the weekend, I’m just so tired. The time change this past weekend didn’t help. Instead of sleeping at 2AM, I now fall sleep around 3AM. And yeah, I’ve been having odd dreams. Rats and mice showed up in my dreams a few days ago. And dreams of my dad too – usually in his last days. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t want to sleep.
4. You know what’s odd about working from home and having a really quiet day? I don’t talk. A couple of days ago, someone from work called me around 3PM. My voice cracked when I answered the phone. I realized I haven’t said a single word all day.
It’s almost 2AM so I guess I better call it a night.
My sister told me one of her neighbours passed away. I didn’t really know him. No one did. He lived alone and did everything on his own. He moved in after I moved out so I don’t know much about him. It’s a sad case. The police broke into the house when a relative couldn’t get in touch with him. I was told the house was a mess, covered with garbage, cat feces and dirt. The neighbours helped out with the lawn, shoveling the snow, wiring etc… but apparently he’s not a sociable guy. I think he was a recovering alcoholic. There won’t a funeral. Aside from that relative, I don’t think he had any friends. No one visited.
I worry I will end up like that man.