I wrote a letter to mom after she passed. I guess it’s appropriate that I write one to you a year after you passed. I’ve more or less come to grips that you’re gone. And while I miss you, I know you are free from the pains of your illness and you’ve regained your sharp mind. It never ceased to amaze me how you knew so much about the ancient Roman and Greek history, wines and spirits, business, philosophy and languages such as Spanish and Latin. You loved public speaking and while you quietly encouraged me, I think my brother had more of your gift. Books – I swear you never met a book you didn’t like. Oh wait, you hated romance novels.
Did you remember teaching us how to collect stamps? We used to giggle at you when you tasted wine. Then you explained to us how to properly taste wine and why we should let red wine breath before drinking. I could recount so many more things. We learned to travel at a young age. We learned what hard work meant. Once we were a lot older, we understood how scary and what a huge sacrifice it was for you to start a new life in Canada. I remember watching how hard you worked looking for a job. And how much you tried to protect us from being worried. All this pain and humility just to make sure your kids had more opportunities than you did.
Are you having your usual tea with mom now? One of my fondest memories are the 2 of you sipping tea. Whether it was in the quiet nights while pondering how to squeeze more out of your modest salary or out in the porch on a bright summer day, enjoying the warm breeze. Little by little, mom taught you how to make tea. I hope our cats are with you too.
I wonder if you knew I’m gay. I knew you and mom always wanted grandkids but it just wasn’t meant to be. I hope maybe now you’ll understand.
To this day, I don’t know if you remember the last few months. I know you hated being a burden. And despite dementia and delirium, I could still see you behind those eyes. Just before your last breath, you opened your eyes and looked towards me. Maybe it was mom you saw. I whispered to you before to look for her. She waited so long for you.
p.s. By the way, I blogged about you a lot. I hope someone up there can explain to you what blogging is. Look for a guy named Steve Jobs.
Love your son,