I went to a Roman Catholic mass recently. Some of the prayers have changed but I was able remember others. The Lord’s Prayer still remained the same. But I couldn’t remember when to stand, sit or kneel. It felt a bit strange being at church again. The statues, the altar, tabernacle, crucifixes, Holy water …. all those symbols that I grew up with. I didn’t feel at home but I didn’t feel too out of place. The Jesuit priests would hvae been disappointed with how I turned out. While I’m spiritual, I disagree with my church on a lot of social issues especially on gay rights. In the next few days, I found myself looking for some songs I remembered when I used to go to Mass.
Unfortunately it was a funeral mass for an ex colleague of mine who succumbed to cancer. It’s another reminder that life is fleeting and we should not waste our time here on earth. I wonder how many of these reminders I need to face before I can do something better with my life.
My flight leaves late tonight. I still have a few more things to get before I can finish packing. I’m finally starting to think about the trip instead of work. I packed about a month’s worth of clothes on my first round. I’ll reduce it later on. I joked to J that I even packed my rice cooker.
It’s strange how work has such a solid grip on me. It sucks my soul and tears away my dreams. Yet I remain loyal to it. Is it fear? Is it because I know how tough unemployment was for my dad? The constant worry about how to feed his family ate on him. I think I was born to worry. Or is it the fear of change?
Courage takes small steps.
P.S. To Prince – I don’t know what my nomenclature is.