No Mas

I went to a Roman Catholic mass recently.  Some of the prayers have changed but I was able remember others.  The Lord’s Prayer still remained the same.  But I couldn’t remember when to stand, sit or kneel.   It felt a bit strange being at church again.  The statues, the altar, tabernacle, crucifixes, Holy water …. all those symbols that I grew up with.   I didn’t feel at home but I didn’t feel too out of place.  The Jesuit priests would hvae been disappointed with how I turned out.  While I’m spiritual, I disagree with my church on a lot of social issues especially on gay rights.  In the next few days, I found myself looking for some songs I remembered when I used to go to Mass.

Unfortunately it was a funeral mass for an ex colleague of mine who succumbed to cancer.  It’s another reminder that life is fleeting and we should not waste our time here on earth.  I wonder how many of these reminders I need to face before I can do something better with my life.

My flight leaves late tonight.  I still have a few more things to get before I can finish packing.  I’m finally starting to think about the trip instead of work.  I packed about a month’s worth of clothes on my first round.  I’ll reduce it later on.  I joked to J that I even packed my rice cooker.

It’s strange how work has such a solid grip on me.  It sucks my soul and tears away my dreams.  Yet I remain loyal to it.  Is it fear?  Is it because I know how tough unemployment was for my dad?  The constant worry about how to feed his family ate on him.  I think I was born to worry.  Or is it the fear of change?

Courage takes small steps.

P.S. To Prince – I don’t know what my nomenclature is.

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10 thoughts on “No Mas

  1. i think it’s the fear of change. we all not so happy when it comes to a change. something new to learn and to get used to. this trip should be a good change, though. just to be away and not to worry about the daily mundane stuff helps to ease the brain and open up our eyes to nice experiences. i assume you’ll be gone for a long vacation, judging from your way of packing for a month’s worth of clothes. i’m the kind that prefers to pack light. i always stick to no more than a week or so worth of clothes, and look for opportunities to do laundry when abroad. either by machine or by hand. undies i can stick to disposable ones if i have to. each pair of pants or shorts i can wear many times with different tops. but socks, i need good quality socks and thick enough to protect my feet. and i would hand wash them if i have to, just to make sure i’ll always have clean ones for the next few days. yeah, i’m anal that way. hope you pack just enough without taking too much space in your luggage.

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