“Matt – let’s read. We always read something before we go to sleep.”
“Yes but it’s almost 2AM! I’ve got a lot of things that I wanted to get done tomorrow.” I said.
“You always read a bit to relax and to tire your eyes. Otherwise, you can’t sleep.”
I cringed. “Ok – but no more than 30 minutes.”
An hour later, I was still wide awake.
“Matt, do you want to play Scrabble on your phone?”
“It’s past 3! I really need to sleep.”
“You can always take your pills.”
“I can but I don’t want to. I always feel so tired in the morning. But maybe some Scrabble will unscramble my mind.” I said.
After a couple of futile rounds, I checked my Instagram feed, liked a bunch of photos, checked the news and read some more. By the time I rolled over, I noticed it was starting to get bright outside. I knew it was past 4:30AM but I hoped the light was just the streetlamp. I somehow got to sleep and woke up around 10:30 AM. It took an hour before I made it to the shower. I didn’t bother shaving today. I didn’t want to eat breakfast at home so I walked to a nearby coffeeshop and gulped down some caffeine.
I get stressed every night when I go to bed. I go through variations of this ritual. Some nights, I’m fortunate and can sleep within 30 minutes. Last night was one of the longer bouts of insomnia. Now the day is almost over and I just feel like I wasted the entire day.