I can’t describe the state of my mind lately. Detached is probably a good word for it. It’s as if my body is a shell. I’m aware of what is going on but my body is on autopilot.
A few days ago, I was at my sister’s birthday dinner. My brother and sister in law were hosting it at their place. But they were too busy hosting and we didn’t really get a chance to chat. While everyone was nice, I couldn’t really relate to anyone and just made small talk. The only time I connected with anyone was when a 5 yr old boy sitting beside me asked “Do you want to colour with me?”
He was working on his colouring book. He looked at me with his big blue eyes and waited for me to answer.
I replied “Sure, I have to stay inside the lines right?”
“Yes. Why don’t you colour his eyes?” and pointed to a Star Wars character on the left side of the book.
I reached for a crayon. It wasn’t Crayola and it didn’t smell like the old Crayolas that I remembered. Meanwhile the kid was layerd colours all over a light sabre and not staying within the lines. I carefully coloured General Grevious’ eyes red to give him a bloodshot effect. I stayed within the lines (retina?).
That was the highlight of my evening.
Maybe I need the Force to be with me…. or better yet, to jump start me.