Fragile Bonds of Friendship

I found out the other day that my god father passed away in 2012.  No one told my family.  He was one of my dad’s closest friend when they were young.  He gave me my first camera (along with a few red pouches).  My brother was just a wee bit envious because his godfather never gave him anything.  So my brother made up a picket sign demanding a new godfather.  Over time with illnesses hounding both my dad and my godfather, they just drifted apart.  Neither of them used email or regular mail.  Even the phone calls became scarcer as my godfather’s hearing became impaired. 

Then I thought about my online friends that I’ve developed on Xanga.  If something happened to me, none of you would find out about it.  None of you would know who to call if my blog becomes inactive for a long period of time.  The opposite would probably be true too.  Then I wondered, why it was easier for me to find acceptance here.  Well – it’s easy to hide my faults when I am very careful how I present myself here.  You just see my good side.  When I talk about my faults, I usually minimize or trivialize them.  Would you accept me if you got to know me in real life?  The optimistic part of me remains hopeful.  But the fact is, my circle of friends really are really online.  If I’m not online, then it’s harder to maintain that thin, ephemeral thread of relationship here.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this.  I keep thinking a lot of you have an extensive network of close friends to lean on.  But I know that isn’t necessarily true for everyone.  Maybe there are more changes I need in my life. 




20 thoughts on “Fragile Bonds of Friendship

  1. A lot of bloggers don’t have time or energy for real world relationships. They are more demanding of time, energy, sympathy, money even. Some people can’t help it. Others choose isolation. Some are shy. Some, just introverts.

    I have met a lot of people from the internet in person or simply gotten more personal with some. You hit the nail on the head. We don’t see people’s faults and weaknesses here. Irl they are then glaring. Online is reality, but how much it means to you and how important online reality is vs real world interaction.. those are things you must decide for yourself.

  2. To put a positive spin on it, maybe it’s better that things just remain online. I mean, you actually get a rush of good feelings when someone online totally understands where you are coming from with a problem, or when they generously say nice things about you, at just the right time. Sometimes you can’t get these things “in real life”. When you consider this, is it always bad that online friendships aren’t exactly the same as “real life” friendships?

    I have a friend who lives in Melbourne, where our friendship started off with chatting (typing) online. We got along very well online. When we met up, we still got along very well. We still keep in touch and it’s definitely a good friendship we have.

    I think you can meet up with some Xangans and see how it plays out in real life. If you’re game enough, we can have a Skype video chat 🙂 As with anything in life, things can either go bad or good, so the same applies with meeting Xangans in person. I’m really up for it 🙂

    • If I Skype, I may have to wear my S & M leather mask. (j/k) I’m pretty well coming to the conclusion that after awhile, friendships – no matter what the medium are important. And for online friends, I think we have to make more of an effort to connect and communicate.

  3. i’ve thought about this too. if I wasn’t with my girlfriend now, I’d definitely feel alot more vulnerable as maturity and its corollary responsibilities have my friends staying at home with their wives and kids.

  4. This is interesting stuff…I made friends on Xanga in 2005 who are still my friends…we talk on the phone daily, some weekly, we text, we snail-mail, and I’ve spent time with one of them in person. I sure appreciate all of them! 🙂

    But, we need face-to-face friendships as well, more even. We need a balance of both. 🙂

    Whether they are on-line OR real-life friendships…friendships are always fragile and it takes both people putting effort and care into the relationship for it to survive. 🙂

    I think we can be very open with a person…or more closed…and it doesn’t matter if we see them daily or not…it’s all about how we feel with them, if we feel we can trust them, etc.

    HUGS!!! 🙂

  5. It also depends on why you blog. I’ve met many Xangans in person, yourself included Matt, but blogging was never meant as a Friendster activity for me.

  6. On this and your prior post. Meant to comment, but no time. Please accept my apology for that. You are a good guy Matt. I think I’d be fine with you face to face. We all have our dark hours. I understand what you have been through. Take some time for yourself and figure out where you are going. No one but a complete asshole would fault you for that. Be safe my friend.

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