My dad’s funeral came and went. My siblings kept it light rather than dark and somber. I made it through my speech as did my siblings. We all sprinkled some humour in our speeches. None of us consulted each other on what we were going to say. I hugged and kissed people I didn’t know. Small talk, as expected, dominated most of the visitation and the reception afterwards. I haven’t cried during this time. I was like that at my mom’s funeral too. Maybe it’s just my way of coping. I’m more relieved that dad’s illness is finally over and he is free from the pain. I also felt a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I know that sounds selfish but it’s true.
A few days ago, I started to check on work as I’ve been away. I could feel this veil of gloom and despair closing in on me. My mood changed and the contrast was too much for me to handle. My stomach started to churn. I had to stop for a moment and then slowly resume. The time off for my dad’s funeral coupled with Christmas break actually helped. I knew work was strangling me and I was feeling miserable. Now that I don’t have to worry about dad,
maybe it’s time I do something about it rather than keep writing about the need to change. Change will not be easy.