Moving On

My dad’s funeral came and went.  My siblings kept it light rather than dark and somber.   I made it through my speech as did my siblings.  We all sprinkled some humour in our speeches.  None of us consulted each other on what we were going to say.   I hugged and kissed people I didn’t know.  Small talk, as expected, dominated most of the visitation and the reception afterwards.   I haven’t cried during this time.  I was like that at my mom’s funeral too.  Maybe it’s just my way of coping.  I’m more relieved that dad’s illness is finally over and he is free from the pain.  I also felt  a weight was lifted off my shoulders.  I know that sounds selfish but it’s true.

A few days ago, I started to check on work as I’ve been away.  I could feel this veil of gloom and despair closing in on me.  My mood changed and the contrast was too much for me to handle.  My stomach started to churn.  I had to stop for a moment and then slowly resume.  The time off for my dad’s funeral coupled with Christmas break actually helped.  I knew work was strangling me and I was feeling miserable.  Now that I don’t have to worry about dad, maybe it’s time I do something about it rather than keep writing about the need to change.  Change will not be easy.


16 thoughts on “Moving On

  1. change definitely won’t be fast nor smooth but i commend you for being able to take such a rational and honest approach to things. i do hope that your work situation gets better – or at least less stressful

  2. The way you are feeling is totally normal. I felt that way after my parents long illnesses and deaths.
    Change is never easy…it’s daunting…but often it ends up being the best thing for us…so I wish you well in your work situation. Your parents want you to be happy…to live your life…so get out there and make them smile! 🙂
    HUGS!!! 🙂

  3. I was just thinking…after each of my parents died…I wrote my feelings down…in just words, and in poems…and it seemed to help me. I never shared them with anyone. But, it was good therapy for me.

  4. It’s normal to have the feelings you expressed, after the passing of a loved one. Some feel guilty afterwards and you need not be; it is a reality that indeed your burdens have lifted, and at the same time, a reality that now you must care for yourself when you have neglected yourself for sometime while bent a caregiver.

    I hope that whatever change you initiate, that you do so with conviction and courage.

  5. Yes, I was going to say that now that your circumstances have changed, maybe there will be an opportunity for some change in your miserable work life, too.

    You know that I’m thinking about you, Matt, and wishing you well. 2014 will be a good year for you, I know it.

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