There’s a small stairway to my bedroom in my condo, about 5 steps. I was going down it when I missed a step. I felt my ankle give way and I landed on the floor. I rubbed my ankle, checked everything and stood up. I was able to walk slowly. After I iced my ankle, I could feel the soreness. I took an ibuprofen and rubbed some pain cream on my ankle.
I’ve never fallen down those stairs before. I’m usually careful and hold on to the handrail in the morning when I’m still half asleep. If it doesn’t feel good tomorrow, I’ll head over to a clinic. Speaking of sleep, my insomnia has reached new depths. I now sleep around 4:30 to 5:30 in the morning. I don’t know wtf is going on with my body anymore. I’m pretty much useless after waking up with about 4 hours sleep.
I hope the rest of 2019 won’t be like this.
2018 – you beat me. You kicked me around, battered me and told me I wasn’t good enough. I have to give you credit on how you were able to exploit my vulnerabilities. You pinned me down and left me to crawl to 2019. I still have some fight left in me. But I’m weary. I’m tired of fighting. I just might tap out this time. But until then, bring it on.
I’ve had a couple of odd dreams lately. In the first dream, I was looking out from an office building when I saw a bunch of terrorists coming towards the building. I grab my gun (I was already wearing tactical gear) and run to the freight elevators to ambush them when they get to my floor. As I run towards the freight elevators are, there’s a gay sauna and an open showers full of hot Asian men. I was puzzled but I wasn’t going to be distracted. The dream cuts to a battle sequence and bullets are flying all around me. I’m in a grassy area just outside the office building. But my gun doesn’t work. I fiddle with it and to my dismay, the battery, about the size of the old cell phone batteries, was dead. Out of nowhere, I hear my mom, who is sitting nearby, asking me why I didn’t recharge the battery. That was the dream – odd.
Last night I had another odd one. I’m driving my car down a dark lane. At the end of the street, there’s this huge, beast of a thug hitting a car with a bat. I freeze, not sure what to do. He is bathed in my headlight. He turns and walks towards my car, his face contorted in anger. I’m paralyzed with fear. My brain tells my body to put the car into gear and go! The headlights go out and I can’t see him. I can just see the faint glow of light from my dashboard. The headlights come back on and he is getting closer. I can see him grinning at me. Then the lights go out again. My body is still paralyzed. I sense I’m in a repeating dream. I bear down hard as if I was trying to lift weights. My feet start to move and as I press the clutch, I felt something soft being kicked. It was my pillow. I wake up and take a deep breath.
Dream interpreters – feel free to comment.
A couple of pictures of flowers. I took them months ago but just downloaded them to my laptop. The orchids are mine. They continue to surprise me with flowers each year because I don’t really do anything aside from water and a bit of fertilizer every so often.
A hydrangea plant – past its peak but still looking nice.
I looked out the window around 7 this morning. The sky was had just started to shed its darkness. The streets were bathed in a pinkish coppery sheen from the street lights. I went back to bed and hoped that sleep would finally come. It did about 15 minutes later. My brain finally quieted itself. Echoes of conversations, things I should have done, things I need to do…. they finally faded.
I was up by 11:30. A shower and 3 strong coffees later, I was finally awake.
Hopefully I will be able to reset my body clock in a couple of days.
A satisfying moment happened last night on my way home. Some idiot was tailgating me and I was driving over the speed limit. It was a multi lane highway and the driver could have easily changed lanes and passed me. But no, he decided that I would enjoy his high beams. I thought about brake checking him but decided to just move over and let him passed. I growled as he blew by me.
I was still a bit annoyed when I reached the exit from the highway. Another car decided he would tailgate me with his high beams too. The exit ramp was only 1 lane. I didn’t slow down and he fell behind a bit. I merged into a 3 lane street and slowed to match the traffic speed. The bright headlights behind me quickly grew bigger. There was a car in front of me so I moved over to the middle lane. The idiot decided to do the same thing. Then he saw an opening on the right lane and flew by everyone at highway speed.
Where’s a cop when you need one? Cops like to hang out just off the road in that area with their radar guns. I always drive by that place with my angel wings and halo. Sure enough, a police car pulled out with flashing lights and pulled over the idiot. I rarely see roadside karma and this was satisfying.
I haven’t been writing for awhile now. Most of the time, I’m just trying to focus on job hunting. Some days it can be challenging and that mood can linger for days and weeks. There are also good days and I suppose that helps balance things out. Most of the time, my volunteer work puts me in the right frame of mind. The other week, I spent a bit too much time looking at hot Asian men with chiseled bodies, sly smiles, pearly white teeth and piercing eyes. Then I look at my own body. Oh boy… what a contrast.
At the library, my student started drawing a cat. I encourage her to draw and tell stories although most of them sound a bit morbid (the characters usually die). The cats’s ears look like horns and the cat’s head fills the paper. I tell her I like cats. She looks up smiles and writes my name on top of the cat. Then she draws a pig’s snout over the cat’s nose. “This is now a pig, not a cat.” Sigh… (how ironic, I taught her what sigh meant a couple of weeks ago)
It’s Sunday morning now. The dishes are done and I cleaned the sink. I just did a load of laundry although there are 2 loads of clothes that need to be folded and put away. There’s some jazz music playing in the background. There’s still a pile of chores to do before I head out for dinner tonight.
Christmas is a time for celebration and joy. But it can also be a very stressful and tough time for many people. Look out for each other. A small gesture of kindness can mean a lot.
I take public transit regularly. I’ve seen my share of weird stuff. The other day, I noticed something moving by my feet. It was a pigeon walking up and down the train. There are more pan handlers now. Most just walk around asking for money. A few weeks ago a couple of younger guys were playing accordion and after awhile, one of them walked around with a coffee cup looking for change.
Then there was a guy who got on my bus, sat down and started to pick his nose. Then he placed his hand right on the stop button. Gross!!!! There was also a woman who was organizing her purse. The subway train wasn’t crowded although there were a few people sitting near her. She shuffled a few pieces of paper and then started to count her money. It was well over $150. She continued to count and recount her money. She would then put it back in a side pocket on her purse and then take it out again. She did this a few times before finally stopping. Maybe she noticed all those people staring at her.
A few months ago, this young Chinese guy came on the bus with another guy. They were both wearing white shirts with a name tag, black ties and black pants. I knew right away they were Mormons. I looked away so they won’t sit near me. But the Chinese guy headed right to me at the back of the bus while his friend took a seat near the front. He didn’t say anything for awhile. Then after a couple of minutes, he greeted me in Cantonese. I told him I don’t really speak Cantonese that well (it’s true). He told me he’s from Hong Kong. So between my fractured Cantonese and his broken English, we managed to chat for a bit. I learned he was from Hong Kong. When the conversation strayed towards religion, I told him I don’t go to church anymore. He was polite and didn’t pry. Once I got to my stop, I shook his hands, wished him well and went my way.